Alien on Vacation


Dear diary,
The space apes have gone wild! They are destroying and poisoning the intergalactic fungi farm we created on Earth.


It all started when we were picking mushrooms. We kept finding life-threateningly drunk apes lying on the ground. Alien mushroom pickers regularly stumbled upon the alcoholic corpses of apes. They had eaten the wrong fungi in a drunken daze – not a pretty sight. Out of pity, and because we didn't want to jeopardize our fungi farm, we took them to our spaceships and nursed them back to health with organ- and brain-boosting fungi.

A self-organizing fungi farm, a symbiosis of plants and animals, distributing fungi and their mycelium all over the planet - vacation paradise Earth - a fungi forest planet with beautiful beaches, these were all excellent ideas. But in retrospect, unfortunately, feeding the apes mushrooms to grow their brains was a grave mistake. They didn’t stop drinking. Perhaps his mix of drugs and dead meat made it impossible for them to cope with their brain growth?

When they got smart enough to realize that they were not descended from an almighty God but living alone in an insignificant part of space for only an inconceivably short time, they went completely berserk. In a desperate mania for improvement, the space apes began destroying the biosphere faster and faster. They developed better and better technologies to cut down our forests, poison the seas and rivers, the soil, the air, even their food. Eventually, they also mined the entire planet with nuclear bombs. Now they are even working diligently to develop bacteria and viruses that threaten the ecological balance of our fungi farm. It is as if they have set out to kill themselves and the planet.

Apes in space, who would have thought of that? In the beginning, they worshipped us as gods and angels. Now they dissect us when they catch us! That's why we rarely show ourselves without our protective spaceships. Just the recordings of our flight behavior were sufficient for the space apes to develop new, semi-intelligent war machines. Now we run the risk of triggering a fully automated nuclear self-destruction on every vacation trip. Then our damaged mushroom paradise would be lost forever. What alien on vacation wants to take on such great dangers? So many are now breaking off their vacation that even the space apes have become suspicious that they are not alone. When we gave the apes our mushrooms to grow their brains, we hoped that they would become the gardeners of this planet one day. Little did we know that the apes would not only endanger our vacation planet but even litter the surrounding space. The space apes’ trash everywhere they go is almost more dangerous than these space apes. Now we don't know how much longer we can save our planet from its destruction—these apes – worse than pigs. Perhaps we should have fed the pigs with brain-boosting mushrooms? Well, it's too late for that now.

I, too, will probably have to leave soon. Too bad about all these fungi!